The Mommy Body

Caryn: There’s really no way I’m going to be able to say this without sounding creepy or maybe even molestery (which I am, by the way, NOT!), but I’ll just tell this little story anyway:

The other day I was walking through the hallway where my kids go to school. One of the middle school girls walked about 20 feet ahead of me. She looked adorable. She had on this cute sweater with stylin’ jeans, and a pair of boots I wanted to yank right off her feet I loved them so much.

As I admired (and envied–oh, to have a mom to buy my clothes again!) her outfit, this zinger passed through my brain: And—oh!—to have that figure!

The girl couldn’t have been more than 13. Probably 12. And I’m jealous of her figure.

Creepy, right? But here’s the thing: While I’ve been a thin (even skinny and “chicken-legged” in the day) all my life, three kids in, I’ve got a bit of yuck around my middle that I cannot stand. Nearly every day I look at it and go, So NOW I get what lypo is all about! While in my brain, I think plastic surgery is an assault on one’s on body (though I understand there are some good reasons), all of a sudden, I find myself spacing out about lypo and tummy tucks. If I ever stop nursing (and my son is almost 2 and we’re going strong, people!), I’m sure the boob lift will enter my mind too.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not actually going to go through with this (even if I convinced myself it as a good idea, finances would keep it from happening)! And I realize getting back on that darned treadmill and maybe a few sit ups here and there would work wonders.

But beyond that, I wonder what we can do at the Mommy Revolution to glorify the mom bod. Do we commit to buying Dove products (especially if they want to send us freebies or advertise on our blog–hint, hint!) because they celebrate the  “imperfect” female bodies? Do we boycott companies who continue to make us feel that the fat and flab that comes with the miracle of bearing and nourishing children is something to be ashamed of?

Do we all go buy new bikinis and fly to Hawaii and discuss this poolside in our mom-bod glory?

Carla: You are kind of creepy. But I must admit some jealousy over the very flat abs on teenage girls. Honestly, we weren’t built like that in my day, not even the skinny girls. And I say yes to free Dove stuff!!

But I digress.

As someone who has always carried a few more pounds than I’d like to, I wrestled with my body image long before I became a mom–I mean, I’ve been on a diet since I was 12. And in some weird way, motherhood has actually made me more comfortable with my body even as it has done a number on it, inside and out.

I remember not long after my oldest child was born, I saw some skinny girl and felt that usual jealousy creep up. But then I thought about the excellent work my body had done in growing and delivering a healthy baby. My wide hips made for a quick delivery. My extra padding made nursing easy and kept me well-stocked with extra resources for my own health. I was actually proud of my body for doing it’s work so well.

Of course, there is quite a lot of fallout–literally. I once said that after keeping three babies alive for a total of four years, the girls deserve to relax. And my various bones are never going back where they started. There are stretch marks in places I’d rather not have them and various other after-effects that I don’t need to go into on a non-medical blog. And while I’d still like to drop at least 10 pounds, I don’t fret about my body like I used to. There is just no getting back what used to be.

But I think there’s more than just the physical toll of pregnancy and childbirth that changes our bodies. They almost become a resource–implements of comfort and help and feeding and carrying and hauling–instead of something to be cared for or celebrated in any way.

And of course there’s the time factor and the whole message of self-sacrifice that can get in the way of caring for ourselves and our bodies. The whole “mom as martyr” thing can, I think, push us to hide behind bodies we might not like all that much because it makes us seem like we’ve given up more for our children.

I would love to hear from moms who didn’t give birth–adoptive moms, stepmoms, etc.–to find out how motherhood has shaped your feelings about your body.

Caryn: As would I.  Do tell.


28 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Stacy on December 15, 2008 at 2:34 am

    Ok Caryn first I love that you are still nursing your 2 yr old (me too!). I love what motherhood has done for ‘the girls’ — but fear what will happen post nursing — I guess I’ll have to keep going indefinitely! I have really been struggling w/ my abs too. I love that my body carried and delivered and sustained 2 beautiful kids — but I wish I could figure out how to feel more loving to my poor stomach. I don’t look at any other moms I know and think ‘wow — what happened to her’ but yet I feel that way about myself. (and I fantasize sometimes about a tummy tuck too). Carla I like that my body has become such an amazing resource — it has made me appreciate it so much more. I just wish I could celebrate all of it. I do agree that self sacrifice definitely gets in the way of nurturing myself.
    But really we need to go to Hawaii together to further explore this!


  2. Posted by Rachel on December 15, 2008 at 9:05 am

    Just wondering what you two think about Oprah’s latest issue…with the weight issue right there front and center on the cover.


  3. I just read this story about a mom in Belgium accused of selling her twins to pay for lipo.,2933,466808,00.html

    I’d been feeling sorta guilty about my post since I really don’t believe in plastic surgery and I don’t really want it, but this story made me feel more sane.


  4. Seriously. I look at my post-surgery post-stretch mark belly and think it looks more like I was mauled by a bear than had a couple of kids. And why is it at the point in our lives when we most want to exercise and not look like a blob we have the least amount of time to do so?

    But at the opposite end of this, I think I’m more concerned with the fact that 12 year old have such “great” bodies these days. If not for the hormones in their meat and milk and chemicals that mimic hormones in their cosmetics, clothing and toys they wouldn’t look like that. What are we doing to our kids?


  5. Posted by Cindy on December 15, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    OK. Here’s a little different perspective from a middle-aged (that’s pushing it a little), adoptive mom of three that’s too tired to care. I’ve been on a diet since I was 12, too. That’s a LONG time. Then 4-1/2 years ago I dropped 25 pounds, followed by another 25 pounds. Cancer and chemo. Lost hair, dead-looking skin. Scars. Implanted port. And all of a sudden I was glad to have a body that worked at all. It doesn’t work the way it once did. But it works. And the most amazing thing–food is now sustenance. (OK, chocolate is a different matter all together…). But I was glad that I had some extra weight to draw from. I looked healthier than I was. I had more energy than I might have. About half of the weight is back on, but I don’t worry about it anymore. Our bodies change from all kinds of things. Life is good and I’m healthy. Weight–who cares.


  6. Posted by Carla on December 15, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    Thanks Cindy–and I’m so glad you’re healthy again! I suppose weight is one of those First World complaints that we need to think about a bit before we get too worried about it. Yes, obesity is a problem, but carrying 10 or 15 extra pounds isn’t really the worst problem a person can have. I have a dear, dear friend whose body is betraying her in the worst way right now and I know that she would give anything to have her weight be her primary concern.

    So maybe we can think about body image in a more general sense. What does it mean to have respect for our bodies, to honor them as the God-given resources that they are? How do we get around the constant messages–from culture, from our own heads, from our mothers or sisters or friends–that tell us we’re only as good as our abs are firm?


  7. Posted by Cindy on December 15, 2008 at 5:29 pm

    I’m just curious. When we’re concerned about body image, is it because we care so much, or because we care what other people think? Our views of what the “perfect” body is are formed largely by media. And look around. All of us feel bad about how we look, and almost none of us look like TV, movies or magazines. My 16-year-old, 95#, 4’10” daughter athlete is afraid that she’s fat because her girls’ size 14S abercrombies are snug. The people that are setting the standards spend hours and hours a day getting like that. They don’t eat, they purge, the exercise. They have personal trainers. They also have nannies (if they have kids–maybe not, because kids are hard on the body!) to watch the kids while they do all these things. As Christian women, I think we have a call to different priorities. We exercise chasing our kids around the park, or the house. Food is about nutrition and building family unity and memories. We buy into the myth that we can have and do it all. We can’t. We make choices. And by definition, if we chose FOR certain things, we choose AGAINST other things. I decided to invest in the things that have lasting value, do the best I can with who I am, and if someone doesn’t like it, it’s their problem. I’ll back off that soapbox now…


  8. Oooh. I love all these comments. Cindy, YES, so glad to hear your perspective. And Carla, definitely, this is SO an “only in America” problem. Which is why it bugs me that it bugs me!

    Can I just say, though, that I have never been on a diet in my life. I only started drinking Diet Coke three years ago (and only because I wanted the caffeine without adding 1000 extra calories a day–and yet, Diet Coke is the very devil. Seriously, I think it’s the AntiChrist.)

    My issue has everything to do right now with what other people would think, I think. And the fashions of the day. If we lived in Walnut Grove and I got to wear some higher waisted dress all the time with cute ankle boots, I’d be thrilled with my body.

    But because I have an issue all of a sudden, I bought a new bikini this summer because I wanted to redeem the issue. I went out in it and felt pretty good. I might not look as good as the super workout moms, but who cares (I mean, I do, obviously, because I’m writing about this). But really.

    I always say I need to write to process my life. I think that’s what this is.


  9. Oh, I forgot to respond to something Julie said: Re: the 12-year-old girl. Actually, what got me wasn’t that she looked like a woman, but that she looked like a 12-year-old girl (I was jealous that she had a fitted sweater on without any love handles–I might as well have been jealous of my 4-year-old daughter’s “figure”). I think the issue is actually that the good old media (sorry to be so cliche) keeps hyping the BMI of 12-year-olds. And that’s what we’re up against. Which is crazy.

    But yeah, hormones in milk, not a good thing….


  10. Don’t you love how Caryn and I keep commenting on our comments? Honestly, we don’t know when to shut up. But I wanted to mention one more thing about the media images: they aren’t just unrealistic, they aren’t real at all. This isn’t news of course, but it’s amazing the amount of photoshopping done on women who are already taller and thinner than everyone else. So not only do we–and our daughters–see images that seem unattainable, they set up an idea that is actually impossible because even the women who “look” like that, don’t.


  11. Posted by Heather on December 15, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    I’ve never had negative thoughts about my body, until after kiddos. This second one has done a doozie on me, and it was over ten months ago that I delivered here. The middle part of my body disgusts me on most days and my non-nursing boobs are basically skin that hangs against my tummy rolls, but still fill a D cup (g.r.o.s.s.). I will one day consider the boob-lift for my own sanity. BUT I’ve learned that going to the gym doesn’t actually help my body change (because I don’t go enough or care enough to work that hard) but it does clear my head and give me a break from my kids.

    The week of Thanksgiving a trainer at the gym came by encouraging my friend and I to come in on Thanksgiving morning to work out so we could have “that extra slice of pie after dinner.” I looked at him, straight in the eye, and said, “Yeah, I don’t fit that profile.” (meaning the give a sh*t about what I eat profile…especially on THANKSGIVING!!!) Then, he looks at me, straight faced and serious and says, “Good for you!” like he was actually proud of me for not buying the hype, but yet he’s the one walking around pitching the hype! (and by the way, my friend I was with is tiny, gorgeous, blonde…)

    Anyway. I grew up in a household with major weight issues. I watched my mom and sister struggle everyday with their bodies, and even as a young girl, I knew I was lucky to have my smaller frame and longer legs. It grosses me out at times to feel my body laying all over itself, but in the end, my hubby’s the only one who sees it and he doesn’t mind…which helps me feel better about myself. That, and he said he’s cool with me getting a boob lift if I want one. (yeah, like that was a hard sell…)

    So, thoughts I have about raising my daughter: the less hormones from food, the better; no scales in the house; no women’s magazines in the house; don’t let her see or hear me talking badly about my body; encourage her and set an example for her of a healthy lifestyle; zero tolerance of evaluating people’s worth by their bodies.


  12. Ooooh, good topic ladies. And yes, I love that Caryn and Carla keep commenting on their own comments.

    As for myself, I seem to have a schizophrenic take on my body. Today I’m fine with it, tomorrow I’m not. Which is curious to me, because when I’m fine I really am fine…despite being overweight and never having lost a stomach after a c-section. I like/enjoy working out at Lifetime because of how it makes me feel, not how it makes me look.

    But when I see pictures of Hollywood folks or stop to think about my 18 year old students I am immediately discouraged. Yes, what once was will never be again, but I hate getting hit between the eyes with that reality.

    The truth is, my priorities have shifted. For me, weight loss at this point is more about optimum health than beauty. More about being here for my girls in 20 years than fitting into some jean size that became obsolete in my closet 10 years ago. I have always believed I am much more than just my body and at 40 I’m going to keep living into that reality and really try to cast aside the fantasy that American culture tries to sell me.


  13. Posted by Stacey on December 16, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Now that I am 11 years out from having babies and going on 43 years old, I am surprised body image is still an issue, I thought I would be “over it” by now. One of my struggles now is finding the balance between accepting my “aging” body without “giving up” on the weight battle. If I accept the way I look and become okay with it then it leads me to say to myself “I am okay with how I look so have another piece of pie”. I try to continue to focus on making good choices, exercise and eat a healthy balanced diet, but man, chocolate, jelly beans, carbs….they all taste so great. My body is a gift from God, I am charged with taking care of it to the best of my ability. I feel the best about myself when my life is in balance spiritually, physically, mentally and socially. I think gluttony is one of those sins that I will always trip over (along with gossip, selfishness, pride…this list goes on and on) and like any other sin, the moment I think I have it under “my” control is the moment I am humbled by my own weakness.


  14. Posted by Melinda on December 16, 2008 at 2:49 pm

    My deal is that at 52 my body is changing w/o my consent! And I can’t stop the progression either. Creeps me out. I feel old this year. And like I have a pride problem?


  15. Posted by Lisa J. on December 16, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    This is a great topic–and very timely for me, given that I turned 40 this year and was forced to admit that I’m never going to be mistaken for Stacey’s Mom who’s got it going on.

    One of the things that has really shaped my attitude about my weight this year is the realization that when I think of the people I most like and admire, their weight NEVER factors into the equation.

    Like me, my mom spent her entire life watching her weight and worrying over those extra ten or twenty pounds. But again, whenever I think of my mom, I think of her wisdom, her godliness, her humor, and her love for me. I never think of her in terms of her weight. Never.

    In fact, after my mom passed away, my dad even confessed that he never really liked it when she was at her “ideal” weight because she wasn’t as “soft.” I often wonder how her life might have been different if she had realized that.

    The other thing that changed my perspective on this issue is the understanding that most people don’t really give a flip about how flat my abs are. We’re all too busy looking at our own flaws to worry about someone else’s.

    When I was five months pregnant, I felt so heavy and tired and miserable. And I complained. A lot. But when I reached my ninth month, I would have given my right arm to feel like I did at five months. I think that’s how we need to look at our bodies. I may not look as good as I did at 30 or 20 (or even 12!), but I probably look better today than I will when I’m 50 or 60 (or 90!). So I’m trying to enjoy this time and not waste too much energy wishing I was someone I’ll never going to be again. Easier said than done, I know. I’m counting on the fact that Rich likes the “softer” me.


  16. Posted by Scott on December 16, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    Well, I’ll just have to acknowledge that when Y2K was threatening and I had no guarantees that there would not be an ice cream shortage I stocked up. I stored all I could in and on my belly just in case. There, it’s my explanation and I’m sticking with it. And, thanks to Tonya for including us in the not-so-covert Mommy world.


  17. Scott, there is plenty of room for covert activity in the Revolution.


  18. The secret to feeling good about your body is to get plenty of exercise. Not because it will make you look like a model (as has been pointed out, even the models don’t look like models because they’re photoshopped). Because 1. it gets the endorphins flowing, improving your mood and outlook on life and 2. you’re doing something, instead of complaining about how you’re not doing anything and 3. it will firm up all those places that got “loosened” by being a mom. (although it will not make you look like you are 12–but seriously, do you want to look like you’re 12??)
    Aim for fitness and well-being, rather than a number on the scale.


  19. Posted by Lisa J. on December 16, 2008 at 7:58 pm

    Oops…just realized that “Stacey” actually commented before me. Didn’t mean to imply YOUR mom, Stacey! Just that silly song I seem to get stuck in my head once every couple of weeks.


  20. Thanks for the great discussion, Carla and Caryn. I love “listening” to you talk online; it’s thrilling. So here’s my little two cents worth.

    I came across this statement in an article on (“The Gospel According to Prozac”): ” ‘So often we think of the soul as an inhabitant inside the body but not of the body…But we have seen how we can affect the soul by whacking at the body. And we know that a good night’s sleep can be good for one’s soul: with it one wakes up more hopeful, and without it one becomes grouchy and pessimistic. Our souls are what is related to the transcendent, but that involves our whole being, including body and mind.'”

    This statement touched the part of me that struggles for how to view my eating and body-image issues. It made me realize that our motivation to care for the body can and should be for the greater purpose of caring for our souls–that means by which we fellowship with God and others. Does that make sense?


  21. I am the mother of an adopted daughter. The one comment I will make is that most of us who have gone through infertility already feel like our bodies have failed us so weight is just one more failure on the list. If you physically bear a child, at least you have valid reason for extra weight. I am 51. This year I had a rather defining God moment that has changed my heart and life. I realized I had been on this whole mental diet, weight , image for 39 years! Not only is that insane but it is pure and simple idoltry. The time, energy, emotions, money, conversations, etc were wasted-not because they were about physical things but because I could have been thinking about other more life-giving choices including all the things I want to do in my life, all the prayers I could have prayed, etc. So, I quit. I work out for my health-that hour I think about my body and no more. I eat what I want. But I will not be a slave anymore. It is has been freeing and I have to remind myself periodically but my heart is so much lighter and happier.


  22. Let me tell you what a spouse walking out can do to the body-image-psyche? I found myself in “the office” where I very kind surgeon was advising me that I would be really happy with the results.

    We both looked in a mirror together and he said he could magically lift up the sagged skin from three babies and that no amount of sit ups in the universe were going to life that “junk in your trunk.” One catch…$6k and oh, there is a small chance you may die.

    I can’t have that on my epitaph. Devoted mommy. Died during tummy tuck.

    For now, I eat my oatmeal and drink more water and delight that I am that soft place for my kids to land, and ask why it is so mushy and where is your belly button.

    There is no pride in a mommy body, just the badge of honor that I can live to tell and the miraculous abilities of co-creating life and nourishing babes!

    I love the raw honesty over here at the rev—refreshing!


  23. Posted by Robyn on January 6, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    I like being “soft.” My husband likes me “soft.” And my 2-year-old daughter likes me “soft.” I would like to be more fit, and I’m working on that, but I don’t really care about thin.

    To be honest, I don’t really think that super thin looks good. I don’t find it attractive. When I see that, I think, “She would look so much better if she gained 10 lbs. Maybe I should buy her a cheeseburger.” LOL.


  24. Posted by Jen on January 8, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    First let me say, Hi Carla! Love ya!

    Well, as an adoptive mom of two girls, I can say that I went through enough stress to bring these girls home that I was quite thin when I became a mom. I wore it as a badge of honor for a while. People would ask how long we’d had the kids, and I’d say, “I just became a mom 3 months ago…don’t I look great?!?” Ok, I may have only said that once actually… But like Carla, I digress.

    Since the girls have been home for almost a year and a half now, I’ve gone through more stress (moving!) and this time since I was responsible for feeding two other humans three meals a day, I actually ate during the stress (and ate, and ate). I’ve put on a few pounds, but nothing more than I’ve weighed in the past. I start to become self-conscious and self-critical, but then I think about my girls…

    My girls have very different body types. One is very petite, and the other is a little healthier (one woman called her “juicy”). I know that at some point during adolescence (or before, god forbid), body image will become an issue and could be exacerbated because of the fact that my girls are built so differently. I became very aware of the fact that how I view myself and my body will have a direct impact on how my girls view themselves and their own bodies. I aim to be healthy, and that’s what I talk with them about. (At four and two, they don’t fully appreciate it yet, but I’m really just practicing for my own sake!)

    I’m sure when it’s time to get in a bathing suit again, I’ll grit my teeth and decide to just not look in the mirror. But for now I’m working on being content in all areas of my life, including my body.

    Love what you gals are doing here, btw.


  25. Posted by Wade on January 9, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    more covert action here – ladies – do your husbands care? or do you just think they care? Where are your husbands’ six pack abs? Mine is more like a case pallet – with insulation wrapped around it. Do you wish your man had tight buns? If so, big deal – and get over it.

    I don’t like the fact that I am no longer 18, and 21+ years later I don’t look like I did back then (drug skinny, we called it – actually, it was more like what happens when you eat to live, I guess) – and when the ads for the new bowflex come on, I sit and think – yeah, that would be cool – but then the reality of my life hits – I need to worry about being fit – that is all. I’m not, so it isn’t like I am too worried, but I am trying. I didn’t get this way having kids, but a lot of long hours at the table and on the couch.

    My wife? Her beautiful body wont be on any magazine covers – but her body is so fabulous, because it carried my three kids into this world, nurtured and protected them, sustained them. Beautifully. Wondrously. I am amazed at all the things our bodies can do. What they can look like and how they can sustain us, even when we don’t particularly give them the tools (eating less processed foods, getting regular exercise, etc.).

    I think it would be great if we could stop focusing on our “body image”, the temporal vessel – and fret more about our “soul image”, the eternal vessel.

    Just my two cents on a topic that is over three weeks old…


  26. Posted by Heidi on January 9, 2009 at 2:06 pm

    I don’t think this topic will ever get old. I have friends approch me all the time who want to talk about how frustrated they are being overweight. Some have terrible MIL’s that actually tell them they are fat to their face, some care too much about what other’s think, which I think is the category most people I know fall into, contributed to skinny images in media we think we should look like. I think I care too much what my MIL thinks, but she would never tell me I’m fat to my face. Why do I care what she thinks? I’ve been anywhere from a size 10 to a size 1X and no matter what size I am, my husband has never told me to lose weight. He’s just happy to “get some” no matter what size I am! ha ha (Totally new topic, I know.)

    Okay, and something else on my mind as I’m reading all these comments, that I GUESS I’ll go ahead and admit: I just had a tummy tuck. I never went to a plastic surgeon and said “I want to look like Pamela Anderson”. I kind of stumbled into needing the procedure for medial reasons because I needed hernia repair surgery (as a result of 3 c-sections in 4 years and no muscle tone left and I “ripped”. I also had a very bad case of “diastasis rectai” (separation of the abdominal muscles – due to 3 pregnancies in 4 years), and I had my abs stitched back together, too. Major surgery. Major recovery. Would NEVER have paid for it myself if insurance wasn’t covering most of it. It does give me hope for looking “normal” again (and hopefully no one will ask me when I’m due anymore when I’m not pregnant!), BUT I still have to do my own part to be the healiest, fittest me I can be. I still have to eat less and exercise to get down to the weight where I can fit into regular sized clothes again. I still have an “obese” BMI. A surgery like this makes me realize how important good health is, and that is all I want now. For myself and no one else.

    Also, I’m sooo glad I’m the Mom of 3 boys. I think the task of modeling healthy feelings about my female body will be easier for me to do with sons rather than daughters. Except WHAT to do about all those Victoria Secret commercials on T.V. the boys will be seeing…and WHAT will life be like with them when they are teenagers seeing that stuff?! Oh dear.

    Sorry to be so long – have one more “bone to pick” with Caryn (please don’t hate me). Okay, so I KNOW what you look like, little miss cute, blonde, skinny and tall. YOU of all people are writing the original post? Your body type is what I’ve always dreamed of having, and I doubt I’m not the only one. Of course you wanted that 12 year old’s body b/c you are already a (I’m jealous) size, what?, 4? My size 16 brunette and short body wants to just look like you. So now I’m giving myself this little giggle: if the bible says our bodies will be “perfected” in Heaven (a promise which gets me through the hard days when I hate how I look), and I think YOUR body is perfect and you think someone else’s body is perfect, are we all going to “switch” and end up looking like each other in Heaven anyways? ha ha (So not scriptural, but makes me laugh.)


  27. Posted by Dianne on January 20, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    I know I am adding this comment late, but I just discovered this site and I love it! I did not have a chance to read everyone’s comments, but for those who commented on bathing suits and bellies has anyone tried the brand “Miraclesuit”? They are pricey in department stores, but you can find them at Loehmans and Marshalls, etc. also. Ebay has them too for 1/2 the price as department stores. They are fabulous. Once you get it on–which isn’t always very easy because they are pretty tight–you look amazing. I find them very comfortable. It doesn’t solve the problem, but it’s a pretty easy quick fix and much cheaper then a tummy tuck!


  28. Posted by Amy on January 21, 2009 at 10:34 am

    I think we all want what we once had. And Caryn, you may be unsatisfied with your body, and that is hard for you. And maybe just as hard as what I feel about mine, and I am 130lbs. over weight! But you have never experienced that so to you what you see in the mirror and feel about it is just what I feel about mine. Except the difference is you can put on a pair of jeans and no one knows you have a little pudge on your tummy. So for some us, the mental, physical, and emotional is too much to bear to even begin to get our bodies healthy again, and a tummy tuck is just enough to get us going, or at least feeling like people are not staring.


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